just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
