he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
