Whod you bang
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
