i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
