I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
