Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
