We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
