Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
