I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
