my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
