Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
