im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
