I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
