If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
zippers are such a cool invention
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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