New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
