i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
