Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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