the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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