the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
