Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
