My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
