Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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