Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
