I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
