I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
