I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
