Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
