I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
