Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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