Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
