Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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