I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
