just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
