I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
