I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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