sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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