Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she peed on how many people?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
