I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
