it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
not ubering you a puppy
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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