a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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