Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
