ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
