tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
