I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am mentally ready for anal.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
