I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
