i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My dick has a subreddit
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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