I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
