My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
