my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Im part way to drunk.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
