Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
