Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
