Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
