Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize