Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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