just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
