So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
