she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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