every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
