im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
