You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
