My nipple is on Facebook.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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