he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
