I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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