it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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