I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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