you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
