also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
