No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
