It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
