And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
