god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Houston, we have a blender
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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