My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
