oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
