I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
